Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Ego vs reality


"You know who you remind me of?" "Who?", I ask, hoping it's: a) someone famous b) someone good looking c) someone good looking and famous d) someone clever e) someone clever and famous all the while just knowing the answer's gonna be somewhat disappointing. This time, the answer was "Rob Schneider", a version of option (a). It hit me like a brick. I was filled with much indignation, and though I couldn't bring myself to say them, I shouted in my mind: "I don't look thaaat bad?" "I don't make animal noises whaaat!" "I don't keep going 'youuu can dooo eeeeet'!" "I am not Deuce Bigalow, European Gigolo (slated for 2004 release)". She then says, probably sensing my disappointment, "It's your mannerisms lah". It doesn't help any, babe! I am wounded (though not like a wounded animal that makes wounded animal noises the way Rob Schneider would). Chronology of My Nicknames and People I Remind People Of: 2003-2004: Rob Schneider (mannerisms, lah). 2000: Richard Chee Quee (The only ethnic Chinese to play cricket for NSW)(Spitting image, friends say, though he's 6'2 and I'm not). 2000-present: Mr Miyagi (Bastard rugby captain at my last club gave me this one and it stuck). 1989-1991: Buddha (compliments of Encik Ang, company sergeant major) 1988: Garfield (platoon mate) 1988-1991: Fun-Sized (As in Fun Sized Mars Bars and Snickers) (platoon mate) 1988: Speedy Gonzales (quite proud of this one, given by an All Black who was giving a coaching clinic) 1988: Detective Chin Ho Kelly (Hawaii Five-O) (bastard classmates!) 1987: Tom Cruise (I shit you not! There was this girl who wrote me saying she watched Top Gun and there I was. Days were the those. This girl's now on the tele as some award-winning presenter on CNBC Asia, so she must know something). Something went wrong between 1987 and 1988. Something I ate?


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