Friday, March 25, 2005

Welcome to the A-Star red State


There will be people who find the above image highly offensive and insensitive. Well. We can amend it a little and call it the A-Star patch. We might as well tattoo HIV positive Singaporeans. Or since we're such a connected city, we'll put some chip in 'em, or something. Tourists and visitors who are HIV positive will be issued with a temporary serialised A-Star with biometric identification features free of charge, to be returned to ICA officers upon departure. We could A-Star ID AIDS victims, but this government's banned wagon is one well-oiled, and big, machine, and I don't see why they don't ban sex between non-monogamous consenting adults altogether. Easy what. Solves the problem dunnit? Huh? Huh? Huh? mr brown's said it, and I second it. We must have some sort of certification system of authorised sexual intercourse. It may not be the only foolproof way to curb AIDS (because fools working at HSA might accidentally use tainted blood transfusions), but it will go a long way. Fornication Under Consent of the Government will be something we must all strive to attain. A manual and log card will be issued with every certificate. While we're at it, hey, this banned wagon thing could really work to solve all our problems. Lesseee...
  1. Birds shit all over expensive cars. Shoot birds. Check. Birdshit problem solved. (Wait, they already do that)
  2. Couples marrying later and not having kids. Revoke marriage certificates and housing subsidies for couples who get married but don't have children when they don't have a medical reason not to. Check. Declining population problem solved.
  3. Gay people having sex and spreading AIDS. Ban gay people. Check. Gay sex problem solved, declining population problem not affected very much despite banning gay people.
Some bright spark might eventually implement this: Ban sale of condoms to married couples medically certified to have intercourse with a view to having children. Because non-monogamous sex is the problem but declining population is also the problem, banning condoms will prevent people from going out and having non-monogamous sex. Campaign simi campaign? Ban can already! Ban cigarettes while you're at it! I won't quit smoking till you ban cigarettes. Banning increases awareness! Restrictions work! Look at ST Interactive? Make it restricted to pay per subscription only, and everyone's talking about it. Lots to do, but good job so far, Government! Get to work on the A-Star patch first and see where we go from there!
Surf stop: 5x Mom
iTunes' party shuffle is playing a copy of: Everybody Plays the Fool - Aaron Neville - Warm Your Heart, of which I have the original CD and therefore didn't steal music.


5 Comments:

Blogger satchithananda said...

wouldn't the pink triangle be more appropriate?? especially since it's gays who are responsible for the spread of AIDS :P (not my view, in case people wanna tekan me. just the views of some gahmen people)

3/25/2005 06:34:00 PM  
Blogger howdoicancelthis said...

Don't you think that it is already quite absurd that Singaporeans have to let the government come up with all kinds of laws to discipline us? I did not mean these laws are bad but only if everyone can be abit more responsible and considerate, the problem would have been solve. All these should be done in the education system, in how the parents teach their kids at home, not on setting laws after laws to discipline people. Soon they will have to make lies like banning HIV people or smokers because the previous law doesn't work, they have to make a harsher ones. Would you like that? It is kind of like, you make a lie, now you have to make like a million lies to cover for that one lie you made?

3/25/2005 08:54:00 PM  
Blogger suspiciousbastard said...

Hey....did anyone notice that all these sort of things were only suggested after the new PM took over?

3/25/2005 11:05:00 PM  
Blogger Zen|th said...

Seems like the best way to solve any problem is to treat it like we did chewing gum. Just ban lor.

3/26/2005 02:35:00 AM  
Blogger Ah 9 said...

i agree with heather on her point. If there were less inconsiderate people out there "spoiling market" and "doing whatever they want as long as it makes them happy" (or selfish in simple terms)....i believe such laws wouldn't be neccessary in the first place...

3/26/2005 04:41:00 AM  

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